Addiction
March 15, 2024
In recent years, more young adults are postponing traditional milestones like moving out or securing a stable job. For some, this is normal and reflects changes in how society views adulthood. However, for others, including those in recovery, it could be a sign of something called failure to launch.
While failure to launch affects both men and women, parents may wonder, “does failure to launch syndrome affect men differently than women?” Here’s what you need to know.
Failure to Launch Syndrome describes young adults who have trouble stepping into independent adult roles. This can mean problems with work, school, money management, or moving out of the family home.
Psychologist Jeffrey Arnett describes the ages of 18 to 25 as a stage of life called emerging adulthood. According to his research, young people in this stage:
In past generations, marriage, parenting, and stable work happened much earlier. Today, those milestones often don’t happen until around age 30.
For many, this stage is a normal time of growth, but for others, especially those with anxiety, depression, addiction, or family conflict, emerging adulthood can cause someone to become stuck. In other words, instead of gradually gaining independence, they remain dependent on parents and avoid responsibility.
If you suspect your child may be experiencing failure to launch, there are some telltale signs to watch for:
It’s not uncommon for parenting styles to differ by gender. From early childhood, sons and daughters are raised with different expectations that influence how ready they are for independence later.
Gender stereotypes define expectations from a young age. Boys are excused with phrases like “boys will be boys” or “that’s just how boys are,” while girls are expected to take on responsibilities at home.
One study found that by age 13, girls were still doing the same amount of household chores they had at nine years old, while boys were doing less. Girls were more likely to cook, clean, or care for siblings. Boys missed out on that practice and instead learned that these types of tasks were someone else’s job. This leaves many young men under-skilled when it’s time to live on their own.
Parents may enable their sons by covering bills or fixing problems for them. While often coming from a good place, this prevents accountability and keeps young men dependent.
Research shows mothers are more likely to excuse boys’ disruptive behavior and less likely to encourage their positive behaviors. Over time, this normalizes poor habits and discourages growth. Another study notes that enabling can blur boundaries and make it harder for young adults to make independent decisions.
When negative behaviors are ignored, boys become more emboldened. This reinforces harmful stereotypes, discourages accountability, and increases behavioral patterns not tolerated in adulthood.
Since failure to launch is not a diagnosis, it’s difficult to quantify how many men vs. women struggle with the condition. However, data on young adults living at home and gaps in college and career provides some insight.
In 2023, 18% of 25-34 year olds were living with their parents, with men being more likely than women to live at home. While living at home longer doesn’t always mean your child is struggling with failure to launch, it does suggest that many young men are delaying financial and living independence at higher rates than their female peers.
The education gap between men and women has widened over the past few decades. In fall 2020, men made up only 41% of U.S. college students, which is the lowest ever recorded. Men are also less likely to graduate. Those who entered four-year colleges in 2013 were 10 percentage points less likely than women to graduate on time.
Lower enrollment and completion rates leave young men without the degrees or certifications needed to compete in today’s job market. This can feed directly into struggling to find employment.
In early 2025, the unemployment rate for men ages 23-30 with bachelor’s degrees rose to 6%, compared with 3.5% for women with the same education level. Without higher education, young men face higher rates of underemployment, low-wage work, and longer periods of job searching, all of which can contribute to failure to launch.
Also, men may avoid or face stigma in traditionally female careers like nursing, teaching, or social work. These barriers narrow career choices at a time when stability is most needed and leaves young men stalled in the transition to adulthood.
When a young man seems like he’s stuck at home with no signs of taking initiative, it can leave parents torn between wanting to help and fearing they’re only making things worse. Failure to launch is exhausting for the whole family, but it’s not permanent. With the right environment, young men can learn how to stand on their own while staying grounded in recovery.
At Ethos Recovery, we work side by side with residents on skills that will help your young adult son thrive on his own. Parents get the reassurance that their son has structure, accountability, and mentors who understand recovery and the challenges of becoming an adult.
If you’re tired of wondering whether your son will ever be ready for independence, let us help. Reach out to us today to learn more about our community.
Emerging Adulthood - Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Ph.D.
Children aren't doing housework — here's why parents should give them chores - Irish Examiner
Don't Ignore Negative Behaviors in Sons - Psychology Today
The shares of young adults living with parents vary widely across the U.S. - Pew Research Center
The male college crisis is not just in enrollment, but completion - Brookings
Young men are struggling in a slowing job market, even if they have college degrees - NBC News