Addiction
August 22, 2016
The transition to adulthood is challenging enough on its own, but when parents struggle to let go, it can create barriers to independence. This is often called helicopter parenting and has been shown to negatively impact a young adult’s development. While parental support is important, there’s a big difference between supporting growth and preventing it. Here’s everything you need to know about helicopter parenting and how it could affect your young adult child.
Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting in which a parent is too involved in their child’s life, especially as their child enters adolescence and young adulthood. Like a helicopter, these parents hover over their children and are always watching and jumping in to fix problems.
Most helicopter parents have good intentions. They love their children and want to protect them just as any parent would. However, this can become problematic as kids grow into young adults. During your child’s late teens and early twenties, they need chances to become independent, and helicopter parenting often prevents this.
Supportive parenting often gets confused with helicopter parenting, but the two couldn’t be more different. Here’s how they compare:
A research study that analyzed mother-child and father-child relationships even found that young adults with supportive parents are happier, more confident, and have better relationships with their parents than those with helicopter parents.
There are common themes present in helicopter parenting, including:
These behaviors come from a place of love and worry, but it can stop your young adult child from building the skills they need for adult life.
It’s normal for young children to need more parenting and guidance; however, as your child ages, it’s important to loosen the reins and allow them to find their place in the world. If you continue to hover and overparent, you’re risking raising an adult who won’t be able to function on their own. Here are some of the consequences of helicopter parenting:
One of the biggest consequences of helicopter parenting is how it affects a young adult’s ability to handle their emotions. Essentially, helicopter parenting interferes with basic needs, which then causes emotional regulation issues.
When parents constantly interfere, they prevent young adults from developing three basic psychological needs:
Without these needs met, young adults might:
Learning to handle difficult emotions is a crucial life skill that affects almost every part of adulthood. The ability to manage your emotions can impact everything from job performance and decision-making to relationship stability and overall happiness. People with strong emotional regulation skills can handle life’s inevitable ups and downs without becoming overwhelmed and reactive.
For example, without these skills, a minor criticism at work might cause unrealistic anxiety, or a small relationship disagreement could cause a major emotional crisis. This instability makes it harder to keep jobs, build relationships that last, and handle the normal stresses of being an adult.
Consistently solving problems for your young adult child can unintentionally damage their self-image. Each time a parent steps in, they send a message: “I don’t believe you can handle this.” Over time, this message becomes internalized and part of how young adults see themselves.
A recent study found that higher levels of helicopter parenting were associated with lower levels of physical self-esteem among college students. This lack of confidence can result in:
Many young adults with helicopter parents become overly dependent on external validation rather than forming their own internal compass. This gap is even more evident during major life transitions, such as starting college, entering the workforce, or living independently.
Research shows that helicopter parenting can harm a young adult’s mental health in many ways. These adults often struggle with:
Young adults with helicopter parents can become too concerned with what others think of them. They may base their self-worth entirely on other people’s approval rather than developing their own sense of value. If they perceive they are viewed in a negative light by others, this could lead to anxiety and depression.
Finally, helicopter parenting can create a sense of entitlement in young adults. When parents remove all obstacles and constantly put their child’s needs first, young adults may develop unrealistic expectations about how the world should treat them.
It’s been found that children of helicopter parents often develop an inflated belief that they deserve special treatment compared to their peers. This sense of entitlement can cause problems when these young adults go to college or enter the workplace where they’re treated the same as everyone else.
Young adults with an entitlement complex often:
Employers expect employees to earn recognition through hard work. Roommates expect equal sharing of responsibilities. Romantic partners expect mutual give-and-take.
The real world rarely provides the same level of accommodation and special treatment that helicopter parents offer. Learning this lesson can be jarring for young adults who haven’t been prepared for the reality that most people will treat them as just one of many, not as the center of attention.
If you think you might be a helicopter parent or you want to learn healthier ways to support your child, there are a few things you can do:
Basically, you want to go from being a manager of your child’s life to being a consultant they can turn to when needed. This will not only support their healthy development, but you’ll have a stronger relationship with your child that’s based on mutual respect rather than dependency.
If you or someone you love is struggling with the lingering effects of helicopter parenting, contact Ethos Recovery today. Our sober living community in Los Angeles helps young men build the independence, confidence, and life skills they need for lasting recovery and a successful future. Call us today to learn more.