Addiction
April 16, 2024
Some adults look put together on the outside but constantly feel behind. A lot of times, this can be traced back to childhood, especially if they grew up in a home that felt unstable or unpredictable.
Here’s what you need to know about Adult Child Syndrome, including what it is, what causes it, how it affects everyday life, and how to treat it.
Adult Child Syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but it describes adults who never fully developed emotionally because they grew up in chaotic and unstable homes. Originally used to describe adult children of alcoholics (ACoA) by Dr. Janet Woititz, the term now applies to anyone raised in dysfunctional environments due to addiction, mental illness, abuse, or emotional neglect.
These adults may now struggle with trust, boundaries, emotional expression, and a sense of identity. Many describe feeling like a child trapped in an adult’s life. This can cause failure to launch in some young adults as they become financially or emotionally dependent on parents.
Research has discovered five common patterns in adult children of alcoholics:
These subtypes show that adult children may cope in very different ways even if their symptoms come from the same place.
Adult Child Syndrome develops when a child’s emotional needs go unmet during important stages of growth. They may go through abuse and neglect or addiction and conflict, but the result is always the same: the child learns survival in a negative environment. As time continues, those survival patterns influence adult behaviors, which usually don’t translate well around other adults.
When children grow up without emotional safety, they adapt in ways that help them survive in the now, but these coping mechanisms eventually hurt them later. Sadly, 64% of U.S. adults report at least one adverse childhood experience, such as abuse, household instability, or a mentally ill parent. Even well-meaning parents can cause their child harm if they’re emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or struggling with their own mental health.
70-80% of Americans say they were raised in a dysfunctional home. Homes such as these usually lack emotional support and boundaries. Kids raised in these environments may:
These beliefs, should they follow your child into adulthood, lead to unhealthy behaviors like people-pleasing.
Many people with Adult Child Syndrome have learned to function so well in work or school that noticing the signs can be tricky. However, there are some things to look for:
Adult Child Syndrome can affect everything in your life from how you connect with others to how you cope with stress. Here’s how:
Children in dysfunctional homes never learn concepts like trust and boundaries, so they have trouble building and maintaining healthy relationships as an adult. They may:
One study found that adult children of alcoholics continue struggling in relationships well into adulthood, with over 50% of women reporting difficulty forming secure emotional bonds.
Growing up in an environment with addiction or untreated mental illness increases the chances of emotional issues later on in life. Research shows that:
Many of these adult children struggle with emotional regulation because their caregivers didn’t model how to process feelings in a healthy way. This makes them more susceptible to developing a mental health condition.
If you believe you have Adult Child Syndrome or you think you know someone who does, treatment is available. Treatment usually focuses on recognizing the impact of your past and teaching your nervous system how to feel safe again.
A trauma-informed therapist helps you unpack the survival skills you picked up as a kid, like your fear of abandonment. It then teaches you how to respond from a place of self-trust instead.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is effective for adult survivors of childhood trauma. In clinical trials, EMDR reduced PTSD, depression, and anxiety symptoms more consistently than many standard therapies and medications.
Other therapies that may help include:
Inner child work helps you to confront your younger self who takes over in times of stress. You don’t want to stay stuck in the past, but you do want to go back to the old wounds that are showing up in your present. You might:
Studies show that inner child work reduces anxiety, depression, and insomnia. When you stop abandoning yourself and start healing, you give your system a chance to finally relax.
If you experienced trauma or neglect as a child, you have a greater chance of your nervous system being dysregulated. Somatic therapy can help you release this trauma from your body. Common somatic practices include:
Somatic therapies have shown promising results for people with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and physical symptoms from trauma. People have also reported an improved quality of life and body awareness.
Adult children aren’t incapable of love, but they may have a skewed idea of what love actually looks like. If you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries or love was conditional, it’s hard to trust that things could be different.
Research shows that strong social connections improve mental health and may even extend your lifespan. However, to experience these potential benefits, you need to learn what healthy adult relationships involve:
With commitment and treatment, healing from Adult Child Syndrome is possible. In time, you’ll be able to recognize your patterns, name where they come from, and choose a different reaction. This will allow you to rebuild your identity based on who you actually are, not who you had to be as a kid.
It makes sense that adulthood feels difficult, especially if you grew up in an environment that didn’t support your emotional needs. Many young men in recovery carry the weight of those experiences without ever being taught how to manage them.
At Ethos Recovery, we provide structured support for young men who are done surviving and ready to take back control over their lives. If you’re ready to take real steps toward independence, we’re here to help. Call today.
About Adverse Childhood Experiences - CDC
Alcohol Use in Families: Impact on Adult Children - PsychCentral
Scientists have found the key to a healthy, happy life: our relationships - World Economic Forum