Mental Health
June 24, 2023
Young men on the autism spectrum often follow a different developmental timeline than their peers. They may graduate high school or college but still struggle to find direction, move out, or manage daily life in a neurotypical world. This is known as failure to launch, a condition that affects many autistic young men. Let’s dive into what this syndrome is, barriers to adulthood for autistic men, and how autism and failure to launch is treated.
Failure to launch syndrome describes young adults who struggle to transition into independent adulthood and continue to rely on their parents for financial, emotional, or social support. While it’s not an official diagnosis, it involves behaviors that are tied to avoidance, anxiety, and underdeveloped life skills.
This condition has become common in recent years. For example, more than half of U.S. parents support their adult children ages 18-34 financially. Common expenses include household bills and cell phone or streaming services. A 2023 survey found that parents of non-disabled adult children ages 18-29 give an average of $1,400 a month in direct or indirect support, such as paying bills or offering free housing.
Parents may automatically think their child isn’t trying hard enough or has no ambition; however, failure to launch often indicates underlying issues. Many young adults have executive dysfunction, struggling with things like planning and organization. Others may feel paralyzed by a fear of failure.
One cause of failure to launch is overprotective or helicopter parenting. Research has found that college students who experience higher levels of parental control show more depressive symptoms and lower confidence in their abilities. Parents may have good intentions when it comes to helping their child; however, helping them too much causes their children to miss out on chances to build resilience and independence.
Additionally, teens who don’t learn basic life skills (e.g., managing time or money) will enter adulthood feeling unprepared. As a result, avoidance becomes a habit. The longer they put off these unfamiliar tasks, the harder it feels to tackle them in the future.
For young men with autism, the transition into adulthood can be a bit more challenging. They may experience the same pressures as their peers, but they may also struggle with communication, sensory processing, and self-advocacy.
Social and life skills don’t always develop at the same pace for autistic young men as their intelligence or interests. They may understand complex ideas or perform well academically but still struggle with the day-to-day tasks of adult life.
Adaptive life skills (e.g., cooking, budgeting, personal hygiene) can be challenging because they don’t always come naturally without direct teaching and repetition. Research shows that even when someone with autism has a high IQ, their everyday life skills, like communicating their needs, lag behind. This can make adulthood harder and cause frustration or shame when they can’t keep up with their peers.
Parents then feel the need to step in to do chores, schedule appointments, cook meals, or pay phone bills. Though done out of love, it can reinforce dependence and make it harder for young men to believe they can do things on their own.
Autism is often accompanied by mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and ADHD. In fact, 70% of people with autism experience at least one additional mental health disorder. These overlapping conditions can make daily functioning even more difficult. For example:
Another factor is emotional burnout from masking, which is when someone suppresses their natural autistic behaviors to fit it. This can lead to exhaustion, irritability, and emotional shutdowns that are signs of depletion.
Furthermore, social rejection or bullying can affect mental health. When someone feels misunderstood or judged, their confidence drops, and the world starts to feel unsafe. Combined with internal struggles like anxiety or ADHD, it’s easy to see how these young men might retreat further into comfort zones and struggle to take the next step toward independence.
Education and career transitions can be tough hurdles for young men on the spectrum. Research shows that only 36% of young adults with autism pursue any type of postsecondary education after high school. Of those, just 38.8% complete their degree. Essentially, only 14% of autistic high school graduates earn a college degree.
A big reason for this drop-off is the loss of structure and support after high school. In high school, students receive accommodations and adult oversight almost the whole time. However, in college, those supports go away, leaving autistic young men to navigate a new world on their own. This can create sensory and emotional overload, resulting in burnout and withdrawal.
Employment is no easier. Studies estimate that around 40% of adults with autism are unemployed, with some reports saying it’s closer to 85%. Even those who do find work go through tough hiring processes, work in sensory unfriendly environments, or deal with managers who misunderstand them and their needs.
Without adequate support and guidance, autistic young men are unfortunately set up to fail, reinforcing their fears and causing them to avoid stepping into adulthood.
Failure to launch can look different for autistic young men than it does for their neurotypical peers. Common signs include:
Unlike failure to launch in neurotypical individuals, those with autism may seem like they’re incapable to take initiative rather than just not wanting to.
If you feel torn between wanting to help your child and not wanting to enable dependence, you’re not alone. 36% of parents feel both willing and obligated to keep supporting their adult children, while 35% reported emotional stress.
Treating failure to launch in autistic young men requires a combination of different approaches, depending on the individual and their unique challenges and needs. Interventions include:
The goal with treatment is to help young men with autism develop the skills, confidence, and support systems they need to build a fulfilling, independent life on their own terms.
Your young adult child has so much potential, yet you’re watching them waste it. You might think they’re lazy, but they may actually be struggling with fear or burnout from trying to fit in with their neurotypical peers. At our program, we help young men reconnect with the part of themselves that wants to be independent once and for all.
We offer personalized support for every young man in our sober living community, helping them become self-reliant through a combination of therapy, medication if necessary, skills training, and other approaches. If your autistic son is ready to take their independence seriously, contact us today to learn more about our program.
Parenting young adults in the US - Economist Impact
The Impact of Helicopter Parenting on Emerging Adults - Florida Atlantic University
Health Equity and Health Care - Autism Society
The Key to True Success in College and Beyond - Autism Spectrum News
Parenting Adult Children Impacts Parents in Both Positive and Negative Ways - AARP